As a family lawyer, I am often asked if it possible to have an amicable separation. It certainly can be, and these are my top tips to achieve it:
Putting your children first – I cannot overstate how important this is. Shielding the children from a break-up and avoiding arguments in front of them is key to any successful separation. Bad-mouthing the other parent to the children or coaching them to take sides can have far-reaching detrimental effects. It is crucial to give them time, space and privacy to react to the break-up, free from any pressure or guilty feelings.
Keeping perspective – Separation can be a painful and emotional process. Understanding your emotions can be fundamental to achieving an amicable separation. If you’re blaming your partner or looking to hurt them, you are almost certainly going to have an acrimonious outcome. Working out what triggers these emotions can help you to avoid or reduce stressful situations.
Looking after yourself – Eating healthily, prioritising sleep and taking time out to exercise can be enormously helpful. As can surrounding yourself with positive people, seeking emotional support from a coach or therapist and obtaining family support services.
Delaying new partners – a new partner can be disruptive to any discussions about separation. Regardless of who ended the relationship, they can cause intense emotions for the ‘replaced’ partner. Depending on the nature of the new relationship, they can also have a direct bearing on the future arrangements. Getting early advice about this can be hugely important.
Understanding your options – there are many ways to resolve matters without ending up in court. Mediation, collaborative law, solicitor-led negotiations and round table meetings are just a handful of options that can lead to an agreement. It is essential that you understand your rights and responsibilities at the outset. Many law firms offer fixed price consultations, and these can be invaluable to getting a good understanding of your options.
Documenting agreements – informal agreements are not legally binding even if they are written down. A solicitor can help you prepare a legally binding document that records what you have both agreed.
For more information, please contact Stuart Duncan of Rowberry Morris Solicitors on 0118 982 3774 or stuart.duncan@rowberrymorris.co.uk. Stuart advises on all aspects of family law and specialises in the issues arising from relationship breakdown. He has a particular expertise in complex financial matters, child arrangements and cases involving unmarried couples.